The Fear of Queer (2023)

From September 2022 until May 2023 I have been working on the idea of doing an audio-visual performance on the topic of gender identity and its possible relation to mental health. It was not only a project for my audience to see, but a transformative process for myself as well. I have been looking into my own fear and not daring to go outside wearing a dress.

 

I researched how the mental health is impacted for queer people in my research document.  And my view completely changed on the topic. It was not a surprise to see the connection between mental health and queerness but I was shocked to find out that so many mental health issues grow from bad experiences such as discrimination or violence because of one’s gender identity and/or sexuality.

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Our rapidly changing world is a direct result of the irresistible urge of constant developing ourselves as human beings. We’ve all been looking for a better quality of life, and we will always keep doing that. It’s an instinct of survival, and a quest to find one’s personal meaning of happiness. However, we also tend to think that we can decide for others what is right and what is wrong. Humans are very egocentric beings when it comes to self-gain, but we are also very concerned with all the people around us. For instance, I have been called “lucky” to be born in the Netherlands, because I only got bullied at high school and have parents who accept me for who I am. I don’t feel lucky at all, it’s an eerie feeling when someone tells me so. It bothers me that even today, no country can say that 100% of their population accepts gender identities or sexualities that differ from cis-gender or being straight. I can say this from personal experiences and situations that I face on a regular basis.